"sometimes the little things become big things..."

i remember my midwife telling me this in the first weeks after caleb was born. she was referring to those things--those seemingly simple things--that become, once we have children, not-so-simple anymore. things like finding time to take a shower. things like actually clipping the toenails of both feet in the same sitting.

frankly, anything that requires more than one step and more than two minutes is probably not going to get done for a while around here, if at all. which is why i have not blogged in almost a year, and why everyone in my household is perpetually wearing dirt-stained, mismatched socks and wrinkled clothing they dug out of a laundry basket.

i'm a little ashamed to admit this, but what the hell: with the blogging, the pictures hang me up, not the writing. i just can't seem to get it together enough to find that cord that attaches my camera to my computer; download the pictures; find my favorites; figure out how to process them using a photoshop-for-idiots knockoff; dig through a sea of photos to select the one that perfectly suits my post; and, finally, upload it, all the while fending off two chimpanzees who disguise themselves as little boys--chimps who would like nothing more than to get their lollipop-sticky fingers all over my camera and computer and accomplish with stunning mastery wholesale, irreversible and expensive destruction within the span of about 45 seconds.

why don't i blog at night after they've gone to bed, you ask. and to that i respond, simply: "please." the only thing i want to do after those beloved primates go to bed is sit on my couch semi-comatose, watching mindless television, drinking chamomile tea and reminding myself that, truly, these are the good ol' days.

sometimes i go to bed at night--more nights than i care to disclose--feeling guilty about this blogging situation. not because the cyberworld is missing out on my self-indulgent ramblings, but because my boys' childhoods are careening past me at light speed, faster than i have the presence of mind to truly appreciate most days, and damnit i just want to capture some of it before i forget it. and i want to give these memories to them one day, so they can perhaps see themselves as i do: whole, blameless, completely good, infinitely loveable...

so today, after a guilt-ridden and unsuccessful nap, i got up and decided i would just. post. something. forget uploading a picture. forget using capital letters. forget proofreading. forget trying to get it just right.

forget perfection.

just do one little thing. do it messily, imperfectly, and with complete mediocrity. but, for god's sake, just do it.