lighting the birth candle

"Will it hurt ?" she asks me over the phone today, 4 centimeters dilated.

She will probably have her baby girl tonight--her fourth baby, but in so many ways, her first. The first time with a midwife, the first time going into labor on her own, the first time wholeheartedly embracing natural childbith, the first baby after a C-section.

"Um...yes," I tell her, "It will hurt."

"But you can totally handle it," I say, "and you will."

"I hope so..." she says.

I know there is nothing I or anyone can tell her that will prepare her for what is to come. The plunge into the deep of labor is, in so many ways, a solitary one. No one can convey exactly what it will be like. No one can labor for you. No one can push your baby out. It is an age old truth that is terrifying. Yet, it is a truth that can set a woman free.

I want this freedom for her. Two years ago I watched her walk headlong into the snare of modern American obstetrics, and have her heart completely shattered over an unnecessary C-section. I watched her slowly, slowly put together the pieces. I watched her bloom again with child, and for perhaps the first time, truly take ownership of and responsibility for her birth. And now she is on the cusp of taking firm hold of her birthright--every mother's birthright--to give birth on her own terms. I watch on in amazement.

After I get off the phone with her, I light a candle, just as I promised her. I call women in our tribe, ask them to light their candles. We are holding a joyful vigil tonight for safe passage, for freedom . We are women who have gone to the depths of labor pain and come to the surface triumphant, knowing a singular, revolutionary truth: "If I can do this, I can do anything." We hold out hope that tonight our friend will come to know this truth, too.

Just as I light the candle, my two year old comes in the room.

"Birthday?" he asks.

"Yes, Buddy, it is a birthday candle. Shall we sing Happy Birthday to Ms. J's baby?"

"Yes," he says with his signature toddler lisp.

And we sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candle. We're having so much fun, we do it seven more times.